Why is it so difficult to give you and your teen a moment to rest?
Here's 3 reasons why giving yourself and teen a moment to breathe, especially during the summer, can feel so conflicting and difficult
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📝 Editor’s Note
We’re back! Thank you for giving us a moment to take a breather as we officially enter into the summer months. Summer break can be filled with excitement and relief for a time to relax and have fun, but also anxiety and stress for the choices to make on how your teen should best use all this “free time”. We believe that rest is just as important as doing things to enrich ourselves. But we understand how difficult it is to let go and change mindsets about what rest means and how it influences our identity.
Over the summer months, we will be looking into the different ways we view rest and how you give space for it in you and your teen’s life to help deepen your relationship with one another.
What is rest?
When was the last time you felt relaxed? Like really relaxed? How often do you have conversations with people that are disrupted by a phone or watch buzzing or beeping? We have information coming at us all the time, it’s not easy to shut it off and give our minds the rest it needs to consume more. You may think rest is down time and sitting on the couch watching Netflix. However, you’re actually using energy by processing and subconsciously reacting to all the words and images on a screen.
True rest means to cease work and worry, as “being, rather than doing.” Psychotherapist Sarah McLaughlin explains it’s when “the whole system—mind-body—is engaged in a restful state and we are present in that experience of resting, not rest when the body is still but the mind is ruminating.” What feels restful to one person may be different to another. Depending on your personality and beliefs surrounding rest, certain activities will feel easier than others.
Today we’ll touch upon 3 different mindsets about why you feel the way you do about rest, and how that affects the way you respond to your teen resting over the summer.
1. What we value and compare to others
Our culture values productivity more than choosing to slow down, even though research shows that when you’re more rested, you’re more productive. When you try to keep going and you’re exhausted, the outcomes aren’t good. And still, we try to keep doing more and pushing more.
Rest is often perceived as a sign of weakness and hustling is praised far more. All around us are phrases promoting working hard, being the boss, and grinding, rather than “Take a nap, you’ll accomplish more”. Based on these values, we begin to compare ourselves to others on how productive we are, making it difficult to rest when there are so many other things you could be doing. We face FOMO (fear of missing out) daily on social media, it’s no wonder we can’t say no to more often. How do these values affect what you expect your teen to be involved in over the summer? Do you find yourself comparing their productivity to other teens and using that to determine their worth?
Cherish Reflection: What comes up when you think about resting? Where does that come from?
2. Fear of failure and falling behind
For the driven types, rest can feel like laziness. The desire to achieve can make rest feel counterintuitive to your goals. You are likely the people who most need rest because it doesn’t come naturally for you.
Additionally, many of us are perfectionists who fear failure. This can mean trying very hard to be perfect by doing, accomplishing, and achieving everything you set your mind to, and expecting the same from your teen. However, there are always going to be more things to do and there will always be things that go undone because it is literally impossible to do it all.
Cherish Reflection: How do you feel about the day and yourself when didn’t get as many boxes checked off as you’d hoped? What do you believe will happen if you or your teen can’t keep up with your expectations?
3. Maintaining a sense of control
Lastly, it can feel like the moment you decide to sit down and take your eyes away from what needs attention for a second, your life will spin out of control. You may worry that without your watchful eye, certain things won’t get done, order will be lost and there will be more to fix when you return back to it. So what’s the point of resting if you believe you’ll have to work faster and harder afterwards?
Do you believe your teen’s grades will slip the following school year if they don’t keep their mind academically stimulated through the summer? We challenge you to consider the idea that after taking a step back, you can come back with a newfound perspective of working better, more energy and motivation to focus on your tasks. Your teen could develop their hobbies that would give them more …
Cherish Reflection: What is a task you find very difficult to move your eyes away from? What do you think will happen if you loosen your grip?
Question of the Week:
For the dinner table, car ride, or whenever you get to sit down with your teen
What’s an activity you like to do that makes your mind and heart feel lighter afterwards?
Reflection of the Week:
A moment for yourself to slow down, reflect, and Cherish
Where can I schedule times of rest for myself so that I can show up better for my teen?
About Cherish
We know being a parent can be tough - and it’s even tougher as your kids hit their teenage years. That’s why we created Cherish to support you each step of the way! Cherish combines research and empathetic support through 1:1 coaching, curated parent circles, and personalized content to help you develop the skills, awareness, and community needed to parent confidently. Ready to start your journey with us? Check out our 1:1 coaching here.
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