How rest can help your teen thrive during the summer
Resting can mean sleeping for physical and emotional growth, time to reflect and dream, and empower them to be ready for the next year
Become a Cherish parent member and we’ll match you with an expert coach, support circle, and give more exclusive tips from other parents of teens!
You want your teen to make the most out of their summer, but there are endless options for what they can do, and what you want them to do may be the opposite of what your teen wants to do. However, one thing is clear — teens need their rest. For most teenagers (and the rest of us), the pandemic has been the psychological workout of their lives. Psychologists who work with teens have never seen teens so worn down at the end of an academic year as they do now, many feeling frustrated, depressed, and isolated.
It seems more essential now more than ever that teens are given the space and time to truly rest. Last week, we shared why rest can be difficult to accept and have. This week, we’re diving into 4 reasons how rest can help your teen recover and thrive for when the new year comes around.
1. Sleep is critical to their physical and emotional development
According to Lisa Lewis, author of The Sleep-Deprived Teen: Why Our Teenagers Are So Tired, and How Parents and Schools Can Help Them Thrive, sleep is such an essential part of teenagers’ development, and yet factors like technology, the pandemic, and school system are negatively preventing what needs to happen. She explains that at the onset of puberty, teens have a circadian rhythm shift, and their body clocks shift to a later schedule. Melatonin begins to be released later than it used to, and so teens are not ready to fall asleep until 11 p.m. This also pushes back when melatonin is receded, which makes teens wanting to sleep in more than they used to.
Sleep for teens is an emotional buffer and provides emotional resiliency. Studies have shown sleep enhances sport performance, are more emotionally resilient, and happier and healthier.
2. Gives space to process what they’ve been through
Our teens have suffered many losses over the pandemic: sports seasons, proms, holidays with grandparents, milestone birthday parties and other plans that are beyond rescheduling. Though your loving instinct may be to focus on the positives and to take advantage of all the things that can be done this summer, it is just as important to acknowledge the pain of loss, in order to truly move forward and enjoy what’s ahead. Give your teen the space to come to terms with the impact of Covid-19 on their lives so that they can, over time, savor what remains and embrace what lies ahead.
This can sound like: “I know this year has been really hard for you. There are many things that you missed out on and it’s probably very frustrating that you can’t get that experience back. It is okay to take time to slow down to think about and feel the losses. Once you’re ready, you’ll be able to focus on and enjoy the new opportunities to make future fun memories.
3. Downtime can be time to dream and connect
Nicole Wise, co-author of Hyper-Parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child By Trying Too Hard explains that downtime of doing “nothing” can actually be time for your teen to dream and reflect. During the school year, they don’t have the mental space to think about answers to questions like: What do you want to do with your life? How do you feel about issues and people and the behavior of friends?
Ways you can support your teen in having effective downtime, of which they’re actually using it to rejuvenate themselves are:
Spending unstructured time together as a family: Rich connective moments can happen candidly and they’ll remember how they felt just being in your presence together.
Share what you’re planning to do with your scheduled down time that takes you out of your usual “work mode” (eg: reading, trying out a new cafe,
Share how you’re using the time to think about how you’ve been spending your time and living your life. What’s something new you’re learning about yourself and your relationships?
4. Empowers them to figure out what they need
So much of the school year is structured by adults, leaving teens with little choice of what to do. Teens need to start learning the life skill of organizing their own schedule and prioritizing what needs to be done in order to do what they want. Summer is the perfect time to experiment and make mistakes before they head to college and faced with even more pressure, options, and responsibilities. You can empower your teen through:
Asking them about their goals for the summer: “How do you hope to feel by the end of the summer? What can you do to make sure that happens?”
Be curious about their hobbies: “What do you not have time to do during the year that you really want to explore?”
Reflect on how they managed the past year, what they learned about themselves, and what they need to do to feel prepared and ready for the next: “Looking back, what do you wish you knew/did differently?”, “What do you want to feel more confident in going into the new year?”
Question of the Week:
For the dinner table, car ride, or whenever you get to sit down with your teen
What does your perfect summer day look like?
Reflection of the Week:
A moment for yourself to slow down, reflect, and Cherish
How can I use this summer to care for myself so that I can be more present and supportive for my teen in the next school year?
About Cherish
We know being a parent can be tough - and it’s even tougher as your kids hit their teenage years. That’s why we created Cherish to support you each step of the way! Cherish combines research and empathetic support through 1:1 coaching, curated parent circles, and personalized content to help you develop the skills, awareness, and community needed to parent confidently. Ready to start your journey with us? Check out our 1:1 coaching here.
P.S. We’d love your feedback! Take this 1 min survey to help us improve our newsletter.