4 ways to support your teen to create a new school routine
Allow your teen to take the lead in deciding what new goal they want to reach and then guide them through the process of creating a routine that will work for them
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When school starts getting hectic and everyone starts feeling overwhelmed by their to-dos, having a routine to fall back on can help you gain back control and stability. Routines can give you more guidance on which things you need in your life to feel balanced and well to take on life’s responsibilities. Summer is a great time to evaluate routines, and begin to introduce new methods into them to make it more effective in the new year.
Why teens need routine:
Predictable, consistent routines can be an anchor for peaceful mornings, smoothly flowing after-school hours, or relaxing weekend mornings. Teens greatly benefit from routine because of the rapid development in their prefrontal cortexes. This part of the brain is still developing its problem solving and rational thinking abilities, making your teen more prone to risk-taking, boundary-testing, and inconsistent behavior.
And so, teenagers need structure to thrive. From developing a healthy relationship with their technology and social media, to getting enough sleep, to developing strong study skills or applying to college, to practicing self-care and building a social life, they have a lot to manage!
Getting an effective and suitable routine down takes a lot of trial and error. We wanted to share 4 tips of how you can support your teen in creating a new school year routine that works for them.
1. Evaluate your role in your teen’s routine
When you are supporting your teen in their routine, remember that this is their routine, not yours. It is important to evaluate how involved you are because the trials and errors are what help them learn more about themselves, how to make choices and problem solve. Take some time to think about the following questions to see if you are a little too involved or could give them more input on how to start and make adjustments.
How often do you tell them what to do/not to do?
What is the ratio of decision making for their schedule? Do you ask for their input on how they’d like it to be?
When your teen is struggling to manage their responsibilities, what kind of feedback do you share?
What type of house guidelines are in place for your teen to work their routine around? (eg: Working out at 2am in their room is disruptive to other family members trying to sleep)
2. Focus on 1-3 traits to nurture
When you think about the qualities you’d like your teen to have by the time they’re ready to go off to college or leave home, what are they? Out of the many that you can think of, pick 1-3 that you’d like to focus on nurturing this year (eg: self reliance, self-regulation, independence, problem solving, diligence) Guiding them through routine making and finding out what is best for them to get through life’s responsibilities is a great opportunity to teach these traits. When you let go of directing or worrying about the long list of daily needs and chores, you can focus on connecting with your teen, rather than managing them.
Nurturing these traits can look like: modeling the behaviors, talking about the thinking process of someone with the trait, encouraging and reassuring them it’s okay if they don’t get things right the first time.
3. Discover what your teen’s goals are
The routine you need will be different than your teen because your goals are likely different. Connect with your teen by sharing about how transitions or certain parts of your day are challenging for you, as well as what is working. You can discuss what your goals are and your thought process of what parts of your routine need adjustment. A great guiding question to adjusting their routine is “How can this routine help them reach their new goals?”
First, have them choose a goal to work towards for the next 6 months. Perhaps your goal is to fit in exercise every morning, while your teen’s goal is to get to school on time. Go through these questions to guide them in thinking through what needs to be done to achieve this goal:
If you would like to get to school on time more frequently, what are some tasks you need to have in place?
What is preventing you from being on time at the moment?
What are some small changes you can make to your current routine to get closer to your goal?
It’s also a great time to ask how much support and accountability they need and want from you, and what that support might look like. It might be verbal reminders at first, collaborating on certain tasks, sharing family calendar, or giving them more autonomy and only checking in every 2 months.
4. Prepare for and welcome mistakes
The first few weeks, you may think you’ve received a whole new teen. Then, things may start to slip up and they’re reverting back to their old selves. Don’t worry!! No one is perfect and it’s very normal to slip up because the new routine hasn’t solidified in their minds yet. Take these moments as indications that something needs to be changed for it to work better. It’s all a part of the process!
When it seems like something isn’t working (eg: being late for school, sleeping too late, missing practice, skipping meals, forgetting things they said they’d do), have a check-in and ask: “What’s working or not working in your morning routine?”, “What can you do to make this hiccup happen less frequently?”
And when they’re back on track or show any improvement, remember to praise them a lot!!!
Question of the Week:
For the dinner table, car ride, or whenever you get to sit down with your teen
What does a perfect school day to you look like? (From the time you get up to when you sleep)
Reflection of the Week:
A moment for yourself to slow down, reflect, and Cherish
What is working or not working in my current routine that would allow me to be more present for my teen?
Hearing from you makes our day and helps us create! Have a story about something we suggested and it worked (or didn’t)? Wish we shared more about something? Need clarification on a tip? We’d love to know :)
About Cherish
We know being a parent can be tough - and it’s even tougher as your kids hit their teenage years. That’s why we created Cherish to support you each step of the way! Cherish combines research and empathetic support through 1:1 coaching, curated parent circles, and personalized content to help you develop the skills, awareness, and community needed to parent confidently. Ready to start your journey with us? Check out our 1:1 coaching here.